Val wrote a book in Slovenian called Pegasta Sova, which he managed to self-publish and get stocked in major bookshops throughout Slovenia.
Critical acclaim and, of course, passion for writing, led him to arranging for an English translation, titled The Freckled Owl,
for which he is now trying to find a publisher.
If I had understood the ways of the world, this book would not have been written.
If had understood myself, this story would not exist.
A menu of eleven chocolates a day and a white coffee for lunch does not feature in the gastronomic traditions of any culture. Nevertheless, that's how I used to attempt to put my restless spirit at ease. When I left Ljubljana to move to London, I was confronted with a torrent of new and previously unknown emotions and ways of thinking, dressing and eating, as well as different working environments and countless new love, night and street vibes. Between the 18th and 24th months of my time in London, I constantly reminded myself to keep my life simple – every day.
Nevertheless, even when I glanced up to see the phrase "think less" graffitied on a wall on my way to work at Canary Wharf, I still couldn't help contemplating my situation or drowning myself in tears because of my low self-esteem and lack of understanding about myself and my place in the world. I spent a lot of time in a daze.
Only providence stopped me from throwing myself off Bled Castle at the age of 26. Being gay has had a huge impact on my life. After a beautiful and tranquil childhood, all the hiding I endured became a very difficult and tiresome game to play. I often wonder what kind of life I would have led if I'd focused my energy on anything other than wearing that heavy mask? In 2002 I fled to Ljubljana in an attempt to escape from my troubles, leaving my mum and nan – who knew nothing of the internal battle I faced – worried and confused. Five years later, I then went to London. This time I chose not to flee and to instead confront my destiny head on. I handed in my notice at my banking job and left for London to find my soulmate in a million. A boyfriend. A husband. For that I would have killed and walked to the ends of the Earth.
I often asked myself what I did wrong to have ended up in such a miserable state of affairs. And why did my longest relationship last for only three hours? Well, that's not entirely true – I spent three weeks with a very likeable Chinese guy.
"London is our refuge," my dearest London-based friend, Sabrina, once said to me.
That's certainly true if you're anything like me and have moved from a small village like Zasip. Towards the end of my time in London, though,
I realised that I would need a real refuge, a place to shelter, but none were to hand.
If I had not embarked on that journey into the unknown on 7 August 2007, I probably would not be here today.
Most of the names in the book are fictional. However, it is a faithful account of the events I experienced during a ten-day Vipassana meditation course in Italy. Everything is written as I remember it, and the book was completed during a five-month period in Sri Lanka. I used a journal to collate my thoughts and notes about people seeking fulfilment, and included some cut outs from various books and newspapers. The contents of this journal were often all I had to give me the strength to carry on and get through each day.
Sometimes our biggest dreams are those which are the hardest to achieve. My dream is for all the peoples and cultures of the world to understand that loving or being attracted to someone of the same sex is the work of no one else but Mother Nature herself – that your sexuality isn't a choice you make at birth, because you are ill or as a fashion fad. And, no, not even Jesus gets to decide.
Val
Critical acclaim and, of course, passion for writing, led him to arranging for an English translation, titled The Freckled Owl,
for which he is now trying to find a publisher.
If I had understood the ways of the world, this book would not have been written.
If had understood myself, this story would not exist.
A menu of eleven chocolates a day and a white coffee for lunch does not feature in the gastronomic traditions of any culture. Nevertheless, that's how I used to attempt to put my restless spirit at ease. When I left Ljubljana to move to London, I was confronted with a torrent of new and previously unknown emotions and ways of thinking, dressing and eating, as well as different working environments and countless new love, night and street vibes. Between the 18th and 24th months of my time in London, I constantly reminded myself to keep my life simple – every day.
Nevertheless, even when I glanced up to see the phrase "think less" graffitied on a wall on my way to work at Canary Wharf, I still couldn't help contemplating my situation or drowning myself in tears because of my low self-esteem and lack of understanding about myself and my place in the world. I spent a lot of time in a daze.
Only providence stopped me from throwing myself off Bled Castle at the age of 26. Being gay has had a huge impact on my life. After a beautiful and tranquil childhood, all the hiding I endured became a very difficult and tiresome game to play. I often wonder what kind of life I would have led if I'd focused my energy on anything other than wearing that heavy mask? In 2002 I fled to Ljubljana in an attempt to escape from my troubles, leaving my mum and nan – who knew nothing of the internal battle I faced – worried and confused. Five years later, I then went to London. This time I chose not to flee and to instead confront my destiny head on. I handed in my notice at my banking job and left for London to find my soulmate in a million. A boyfriend. A husband. For that I would have killed and walked to the ends of the Earth.
I often asked myself what I did wrong to have ended up in such a miserable state of affairs. And why did my longest relationship last for only three hours? Well, that's not entirely true – I spent three weeks with a very likeable Chinese guy.
"London is our refuge," my dearest London-based friend, Sabrina, once said to me.
That's certainly true if you're anything like me and have moved from a small village like Zasip. Towards the end of my time in London, though,
I realised that I would need a real refuge, a place to shelter, but none were to hand.
If I had not embarked on that journey into the unknown on 7 August 2007, I probably would not be here today.
Most of the names in the book are fictional. However, it is a faithful account of the events I experienced during a ten-day Vipassana meditation course in Italy. Everything is written as I remember it, and the book was completed during a five-month period in Sri Lanka. I used a journal to collate my thoughts and notes about people seeking fulfilment, and included some cut outs from various books and newspapers. The contents of this journal were often all I had to give me the strength to carry on and get through each day.
Sometimes our biggest dreams are those which are the hardest to achieve. My dream is for all the peoples and cultures of the world to understand that loving or being attracted to someone of the same sex is the work of no one else but Mother Nature herself – that your sexuality isn't a choice you make at birth, because you are ill or as a fashion fad. And, no, not even Jesus gets to decide.
Val
PRAISE FOR THE BOOK
“A beautiful film, which left me deeply touched. I want some more! ... Wait, did I say a film? Of course, it's a book, but it really does feel like
I've seen it. It's bigger than life.
Valerij, in the name of all fathers and sons and all mothers and daughters, thank you for this book! It's an act of a pure love. Amen.”
Milena Zupančič, award-winning Slovenian actress
“Val’s book is more than a book. I was singing about these states of spirit, but Val, he lived it and didn’t realise how loved he actually was.
Driving through so many emotions while reading this book enriched my consciousness.”
Tomaž Mihelič (member of Sestre, a Eurovision entry from Slovenia)
“An important book about all the things which bring a tremendous burden to all those who remain silent – and all those around them. Written in order to provide
relief – especially for those mothers who have come to the realisation that their child can love only a person of the same gender – and to prove that this is no disease.”
Urška Krišelj Grubar (traveller and journalist for Zarja magazine)
“A beautiful film, which left me deeply touched. I want some more! ... Wait, did I say a film? Of course, it's a book, but it really does feel like
I've seen it. It's bigger than life.
Valerij, in the name of all fathers and sons and all mothers and daughters, thank you for this book! It's an act of a pure love. Amen.”
Milena Zupančič, award-winning Slovenian actress
“Val’s book is more than a book. I was singing about these states of spirit, but Val, he lived it and didn’t realise how loved he actually was.
Driving through so many emotions while reading this book enriched my consciousness.”
Tomaž Mihelič (member of Sestre, a Eurovision entry from Slovenia)
“An important book about all the things which bring a tremendous burden to all those who remain silent – and all those around them. Written in order to provide
relief – especially for those mothers who have come to the realisation that their child can love only a person of the same gender – and to prove that this is no disease.”
Urška Krišelj Grubar (traveller and journalist for Zarja magazine)